The Real Greek, Bankside

David Constable Reviews:

The Real Greek
www.therealgreek.com
Riverside House
2A Southwark Bridge Road, Southwark, London SE1 9HA, United Kingdom
020 7620 0162

You can enjoy the buzz and flow of tourists in Borough Market on any day of the week. Saturday lunchtime, and Valentine’s Day at that, is probably not the best day to casually check out food stalls, sample the freebies and find a table that’s not been booked for the past two months.

It is London’s oldest food market, standing in its original location for two hundred and fifty years. Along the South Bank, the Thames the backdrop, Shakespeare’s Globe your neighbour, all eating establishments around here have their market flowing past their doors from morning till evening.

The Real Greek on Bankside has everything in its favour. There are other Real Greek restaurants in Spitafields, Westfield, Covent Garden, Marylebone, Putney, Clerkenwell, and the original in Hoxton, which opened in 1999. My opinion of Greek food is not great. I have not sampled enough to reach a conclusion. Like you, I’ve sampled the midnight kebab, booze injected and stumbling home from a night out on the town, but true meditarian dining experience, no.

Walking in to any empty restaurant, on February 14th, was not a good omen. Our waitress, apparently of Greek decent, walked us over to a table in the corner at the back. This puzzled me, as there was no one else in here! Frankly, it would have been quicker catching a bus to our table. Why don’t they give you an Oyster card on arrival then let you pick a table of your choice?

Our welcome was cold. “This is your table, here is your menu, bye.” Puzzled over our introduction, I conversed with my guest, and yes it wasn’t just me. We had the overall hospitality of a guilty man appearing in court.

From the hot Mezedes menu I ordered grilled kalamari marinated in paprika and honey (£5.75), along with a meat sharer (£25.00) consisting of pork, lamb and chicken, bifteki, meltitzanosalata, htipiti and flatbread. The kalamari had potential but was cold and rubbery and thus, ruined. The grilled sardines were good, but that’s as much as I can say.

The food arrived cold, much like the staff, and was served on layered plates. It looked uninspired, the skewered meat not enough to feed the starved homeless, and each dish accompanied by a huge wedge of lemon making enough, if all put back together, to create at least six whole lemons. The Greeks, the inventors of the Tragedy, had mastered another one, and it sat on a plate in front of me.

A £7.50 large glass of Cabinet Sauvignon washed down the mint, pepper and feta dips, mixed with the small flatbread, created a baby’s stodgy food, quickly filling me up and drawing my experience to a quick end.

Such bad experiences leave you with a predicament: do you stick with that which is familiar? Or, do you venture out, willing to try and experience new things? The gamble that stodge food is stodge food, and at the end you are still left with a bill to pay (gratuity already included – of course). I should have stuck to my guns and face the fact; Greek food is decent only when drunk. If I hadn’t been out of breath from walking for miles, and didn’t have a twinge in my calf, I would have done a runner.

About David Constable:

David Constable was born in Kent and studied in both the United Kingdom and United States where he found it very difficult living on the student diet of baked beans and super noodles. Once released from academia and thrust into the ‘real world’ he found comfort in an eclectic mix of British, French, Italian and Mexican cuisine. His favourite restaurants in London are Roast and Launceston Place – precision of dishes and fine British game – and he enjoys red wine as much as he does his food. Amarone being his beloved tipple.

Along with his restaurant reviews, David also writes television reviews for Broadcast and a weekly media blog for Production Wizard. His website is: http://davidconstable.wordpress.com